Why Is It So Hard to Let Go?
Ego Death and Rebirth Explained
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If you’ve ever felt like you’re clinging to a version of yourself that no longer fits, you’re not alone. Letting go (whether it’s of an identity, a job, a relationship, or even a dream) can feel like trying to pry your fingers from a ledge you’ve been gripping for dear life.
But why is it so hard to release what no longer serves us? And why, even when we know it’s time to let go, do we resist so fiercely?
The answer lies in the dance between ego death and rebirth… an ancient, universal cycle that has both psychological and spiritual roots.
The Psychology of Letting Go
Psychologists tell us that letting go is hard because it’s a threat to the ego, which refers to the part of us that identifies with our roles, our achievements, and our sense of control.
The ego’s job is to keep us safe, but it does so by clinging to the familiar, even when that familiarity has become a cage.
When we’re faced with change, the ego often fights back with:
- Self-doubt: “Who am I without this?”
- Fear of the unknown: “What if the next step is worse?”, “What if I make a mistake?”
- Identity confusion: “If I’m not the achiever/the caregiver/the successful one… then who am I?”
These are natural responses, but they can keep us stuck in old stories.
Ego Death and Rebirth Cycles
In spiritual traditions (and even in psychology!) letting go is often framed as an ego death: a shedding of an old identity to make way for something new.
Carl Jung called this process individuation— the integration of unconscious parts of ourselves that leads to greater wholeness.¹
Ego death can feel like:
- Losing a sense of purpose or meaning
- Feeling unmoored or directionless
- Experiencing grief, even for the parts of us we’ve outgrown
Yet, on the other side of ego death lies rebirth: a renewed sense of self, deeper authenticity, and alignment with our true purpose.
Like the phoenix, we rise from the ashes of who we were to become who we’re meant to be.
Letting Go in a Culture That Clings
Modern society doesn’t make letting go easy. We live in a culture that worships productivity, linear success, and constant reinvention (without honoring the natural cycles of death and rebirth that every human experiences.).
Unlike our ancestors, most of us lack guidance and community during these transitional times.
Historically, elders and rites of passage marked these cycles, providing the wisdom, support, and structure needed to navigate change with grace.²
Without these containers, it’s easy to feel alone in the darkness… like you’re the only one who doesn’t have it all figured out.
The Role of Support and Guidance
Letting go is hard, but it doesn’t have to be a solitary journey.
Research shows that social support reduces stress and increases resilience during times of change.³ Whether it’s a mentor, a coach, a therapist, a trusted friend, or an accountable community, having someone to witness your process can make ALL the difference.
In community, we find mirrors that reflect our strength, our wisdom, and our potential (even when we can’t see it ourselves).
Like the elders of old, modern guides can help us:
- Name what’s dying and what’s being born
- Hold space for the grief and uncertainty
- Remind us that letting go is not a failure, but a necessary step toward growth
How to Begin Letting Go (Even If It Feels Impossible)
1. Acknowledge the Fear
It’s okay to feel afraid, Seeker. Change is a big deal and it’s HARD. Naming the fear is the first step in moving through it.
2. Ritualize the Release
Rituals like writing a letter to your old self, journaling, doing archetypal work, connecting to your ancestors or your inner mentor can help mark the transition from old to new.
3. Seek Support
You don’t have to do it alone. Find community, mentorship, or guidance that resonates with your soul.
4. Trust the Rebirth
Letting go makes space for something new. Trust that what’s meant for you will find its way!
The In-Between: A Transformational Journey to Let Go and Grow
If you’re navigating a time of letting go or feel like a part of you is dying while another is waiting to be born, Seekr Wellness invites you to join The In-Between Transformational Journey, a 28-day guided experience to help you shed old identities and step into your next chapter.
As a bonus, participants receive exclusive access to the Seekr App (iOS only)— your daily companion for rituals, meditations, and practices that support you every step of the way.
Reserve your spot now and let yourself be guided into your most authentic self.
References
- Jung, C. G. (1966). The Practice of Psychotherapy: Essays on the Psychology of the Transference and Other Subjects. Princeton University Press.
- van Gennep, A. (1960). The Rites of Passage. University of Chicago Press.
- Cohen, S., & Wills, T. A. (1985). Stress, social support, and the buffering hypothesis. Psychological Bulletin, 98(2), 310–357.